I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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