i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You need a sexual gate keeper
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
