These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
