Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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