Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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