5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
