So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize