Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
