Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
