and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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