There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
