Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
