Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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