I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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