we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
