I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My penis needs a shock collar
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
