Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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