i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
