i just had sex bonerless
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
