I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
