I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
