Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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