lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
