There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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