I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
