worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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