Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize