I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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