girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
