don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
