You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
