Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
