This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
