I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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