After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
