we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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