3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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