I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
