She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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