Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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