just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
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