It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
