it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
