Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
