oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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