angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
