i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
