We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
