If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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