My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize