Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
