thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
