I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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