Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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