just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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