A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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