I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
