this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
