My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
In America we eat man semen.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
