marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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