God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
