I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
