roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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