last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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