i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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