So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
