I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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