Michael Bay diarrhea
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he was CRYING into my vagina
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
