her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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