Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
